One of the best aspects of having a favorite team you watch on a daily basis is becoming intimately familiar with who the players are. Their strengths, weaknesses, and quirks are all on full display, and over the course of hundreds of games of watching these same people, you can begin to delude yourself that you actually know them. We find every player charming for various reasons, and although we may not always think someone in particular is very good at baseball, we love them anyway. That’s why we have every right to mock them with emojis. After all, it’s 2015, and if you can’t represent something with an emoji, it could well be that you shouldn’t bother acknowledging it at all.
He never walks, has anywhere from prodigious to nonexistent power, and looks a lot like a guy a few of the StanGraphs staff members used to play in a band with. You probably noticed that Adams is a bit portly, which makes him all the more lovable. The carnal image of a poultry leg makes the most sense here.
What emoji better sums up Matt Carpenter than a pedestrian? Not because Carpenter is a pedestrian talent in any form, but because every time you see him at the plate, chances are pretty good he’s about to take a walk.
Randy Choate may not be long for this world. Actually chances are pretty good he’s got another four decades left in him, but the senior member of the Cardinal roster wasn’t going to come out of this process untouched.
It’s impossible not to appreciate Jaime’s ability as a pitcher, and he looked as good last season as he ever has. It’s just that, well, you can’t even look at him without putting him on the disabled list. Rumor is he actually had his first Tommy John operation right after birth.
Even if he weren’t already an obvious sight in the batter’s box due to his chiseled physique and legs that even spiders envy, it’d be impossible to miss Jason Heyward with the built-in face guard in his batting helmet covering most of his face.
Bad, bad things would happen if Holliday ever got mad at Jaime Garcia. It’d be like Bruce Willis attacking Samuel L. Jackson in “Unbreakable.” One time he ran out of gas and was actually seen carrying his car the rest of the way to the nearest gas station.
We like the image of a construction worker for Kozma because that’s likely a better career fit for him. We know he means well, and at least he made it to the big leagues, but come on — enough is enough.
Jhonny has more than redeemed himself in the eyes of most Cardinal fans after an excellent first season with the club, and he’s already come out of the gate looking good in 2015, but this emoji just couldn’t be passed up. Guess you can never escape your past, Jhonny. Now go hit some more home runs.
Is it racist to associate a Hawaii native with surfing? We don’t think it is, so here’s an emoji of a surfer meant to represent the intriguing St. Louis second sacker. Let’s hope Mr. Wong rides the hell out of those waves this year — metaphorically speaking. He’d better not miss any games to go surfing or anything.